Been a rough few days

Well the last few days have bene a emotional roller coaster. I have gotten to the point where I am just so overwhelmed with my life. I feel like what is the point anymore. I know that I deal with a lot more than most people on a daily basis with 3 special needs kids and I know God isn't going to give me more than I can handle WITH HIM. But geez does he have to trust me so much. I just want a break. I want people in this house to appreciate what I DO and not always focus on the negative and point out what I don't do. I have fallen into a really deep depression this week. Its a lot better today though. Me and hubby have been fighting for days about how I "NEED" his help and I need him there for me. I guess I am just at the point where I need someone to give something back to me and not me giving to everyone else all the time. ok I am done whinning for now its just frustrating how I work 7 days a week, take all the kids to their drs appts take them to karate 3 days a week and take them to church 2 days a week and sometime in between there I am supposed to clean the house have time for myself go grocery shopping and sleep. I just need a little help thats all.

Ok I am done whinning and complaing

On a good note Jesse graduated from ROTC quickstart today :)

Its time to let him grow up

Well today was one of those REALLY hard being a mom days. Jesse started JROTC today. I am so proud of him for wanting to do this. Between JROTC and Karate I think he will do really well. He is a really good kid most of the time. He just has an attitude problem the size of Texas lately.

Well his high school that he is going to is across a main street. Well I am really nervous about him walking to school. So I loaded Kayla and Kenneth up in the van to go pick him up today and he wanted to walk home with his friend. So I decided that I have to let go and trust him sometime and give him some independence.

Well he says he wants to walk to school everyday with his friend. Well the thing the really worries me is that he has to be at school at 6 am Mon-Thurs. So I asked him what about when its raining ( "I will take and umbrella") what about when its cold ( " I will take a coat") what about after time change and its still dark when you have to be at school ( I will take a flashlight") Ugh gonna love teenagers they have an answer for everything. I just have to trust him and trust that everything will be fine and he will make the right decisions.

The final day of camp

Well everyone made it through the sleepover in one piece. Everyone is really tired today. Kenneth is so proud of himself he got his yellow stripe today. He was so funny he was doing the "I have to go potty dance" I asked him if he had to go potty and he said after I get my yellow stripe. I said if you have to go then its ok to go. I promise you won't miss getting your yellow stripe. He got his stripe and he is so proud of it. The kids did so much this week and learned so much about Japanese culture. They are definitely going back next summer they had a blast and loved every minute of it.

We made it through Karate camp

Well everyone at karate survived the week of camp. The kids had so much fun and were worn out every night. It was good for them. Tonight they are having a sleepover then they will get up and have breakfast in the morning then do karate training. Then Kenneth will test for his yellow stripe. I know he will make it, he is more than ready. The kids will also do some demo routine that they learned this week at camp. I am kinda nervouse with my baby being gone all night everytime he has a sleepover he usually doesn't make it. But I am hoping that since Jesse is there with him that he will do ok. We called about an hour ago and they said that he was sleeping so maybe we will get lucky and he will sleep all night. I am so glad the kids have had so much fun this week its good for them to do something like this before school starts.

Jesse got his yellow belt

Well I had a very pround mommy moment last night. We had testing at Karate and Jesse made his yellow belt. The instructor had nothing but good stuff to say about Jesse how he is a good kid always ready to help out when needed and has preformed remarkbly. I am so proud of him. He made his yellow belt. I know he is proud of himself too.

CONGRATULATION JESSE WE ARE SO PROUD!!!!!!!!

I think I FINALLY got the hang of this

Well I have been trying to learn to Crochet for a few YEARS now. Well it took me 3 years to learn how to do a double crochet stitch...LOL I know its sad. Well I have a awesome friend that took the time and there are days I know she wanted to kill me. She was very patient with me and she walked me through it step by step and she showed me how to do a basica granny square. Well I am making one BIG granny square. Its going to be the size of a double bed. It was supposed to be for my mom for her birthday but since her birthday is the 22nd I don't think I will get it done by then. SO I am working on making afghans for my mom and dad for christmas. After I finish hers I will make his. I am so proud of the accomplishment I have made. Now I don't feel like a failure I feel like there is something that I actually CAN DO!!!

Kayla's Doctors appt today

Well we went to see the Neurologist today. It went pretty good. He refilled her medicine which I have to pick up in a couple days. It has to be compounded so they have to make it at the pharmacy. Well he said she is still really tight in her legs. So monday her and Kenneth both have liver function tests done. Since both of them are on medications that can cause liver damage they have to get blood tests done to check the levels ever 3 months. Thn Thursday she goes back to the DR and we are going to do Botox injections again and see if they work this time. If they don't work then, he is going to do the trial run for the bacolfen pump. He said becasue she has such high muscle tone in her legs that she is a perfect candidate for it. So that is where we are at with things right now with her. Just taking it one thing at a time.

What a day!

Well today has been a long day already and it's only 4:00. I got up at 8:00 had to fight to get Jesse up AGAIN!!! I couldn't get Kenneth to wake up either, but he was so cute. When I got up he was asleep on the couch on his dad fully dressed socks, shoes, everything. Jeff said he was up at 3 am and wanted to go to camp....lol Well we finally got lunches made, teeth brushed and headed out the door at 9:15. Camp starts at 9:30 ugh.

Came home and got Kayla up and dressed and got Jeff and we went to walmart to get the boys school supplies. Isn't the beginning of school so much fun...NOT!!! Well Jesse is starting high school this year so there was no school supply list for him. So we just got him 5 spiral notebooks, pens, and pencils and we will wait until school starts and see what the teachers want there is no sense in buying a bunch of stuff that he may not need.

Then I get to pick the boys up from camp in about 30 minutes then come home and feed them and go back to karate tonight we can't miss tonight because Jesse is testing for his yellow belt and he will kill me if he misses that. Then we will come home give baths and bed then get as much cleaned in this house as possible and then I start working at midnight tonight. Then do the same thing tomm and take Kayla to the dr and get my schedule.

Thats about it for today!

My lack of self control

Well guessing from the title of this post as you can tell I am lacking in the self-control department. Here is my story. I am a stay at home/work at home mom I have 3 special needs kids.

Jesse is ADHD and asperger's (mild Autism) he is 15 and has an attitude the size of texas and wants to argue with EVERYTHING lately.

Kayla is almost 12 she will be 12 Sept 1, 2007 she is my miracle baby. She was born at 25 weeks weighed 1 lb 7 oz and was 12 inches long. She was in the NICU for 3.5 months. She is happy and alive and that is ALL I care about. She can't walk or talk but she is always smiling and very happy. I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Kenneth is 7 he has Sever ADHD, ODD, OCD, and bipolar he can definitely be a handful. I told my husband if he would have been the first he would have been the last. He has a lot of manic rages especially when he doesn't get what he wants. I feel so bad for him because its something he has no control over and he can't help it. We are getting ready to start classes in september where it will teach him how to recognize when he is about to go into a rage and how to handle it better. I think it will be really good for him.

I have been married to Jeff for 7.5 years he is in the navy and we are currently stationed in Virginia. I like it for the most part.

That is pretty much it about me. I love to read, chochet I am crocheting my mom a blanket right now it was supposed to be for her birthday but it doesn't look like I will get it done by then. So its looking more like a Christmas present for her. i know I will have it done way before Christmas so I will make one for my dad too. Perfect christmas presents for me and I can have 1 blanket the size of their bed done in about 2-3 weeks. Then if I have time I am going to make one for my kids for christmas presents. Then after christmas I am going to start on the ones I am making for my nephews for their bdays in march.

So needless to say my life is one big train wreck waiting to happen. But to be honest I wouldn't trade any of it. I love my kids to pieces but there are days I want to strangle them.

Today is one of those days. Especially with my boys. Jesse wants to boss everyone around lately including me telling me how to discipline his brother etc.... And then on the other hand Kenneth is having his rages and I get the blunt of it all. He yells screams, tells me to shut up says he hates me etc... It really hurts that I can't get my son undercontrol and I can't get any respect from him. I go out of my way to be nice to them and I feel like they just treat me like a dog constantly.

I have been a chrisitan for 6 years now and lately I have been really struggling bad with my walk with God. I can't remember the last time I just sat down and just read the bible for no reason. I want to have a deeper more intimate relationship with God but I can't seem to get the self- discipline that it takes to spend time with God so I will have that. I love God and I know he loves me I just want my relationship with God to mean something and to be more intimate.

That is about it on me and my life story...LOL