My lack of self control

Well guessing from the title of this post as you can tell I am lacking in the self-control department. Here is my story. I am a stay at home/work at home mom I have 3 special needs kids.

Jesse is ADHD and asperger's (mild Autism) he is 15 and has an attitude the size of texas and wants to argue with EVERYTHING lately.

Kayla is almost 12 she will be 12 Sept 1, 2007 she is my miracle baby. She was born at 25 weeks weighed 1 lb 7 oz and was 12 inches long. She was in the NICU for 3.5 months. She is happy and alive and that is ALL I care about. She can't walk or talk but she is always smiling and very happy. I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Kenneth is 7 he has Sever ADHD, ODD, OCD, and bipolar he can definitely be a handful. I told my husband if he would have been the first he would have been the last. He has a lot of manic rages especially when he doesn't get what he wants. I feel so bad for him because its something he has no control over and he can't help it. We are getting ready to start classes in september where it will teach him how to recognize when he is about to go into a rage and how to handle it better. I think it will be really good for him.

I have been married to Jeff for 7.5 years he is in the navy and we are currently stationed in Virginia. I like it for the most part.

That is pretty much it about me. I love to read, chochet I am crocheting my mom a blanket right now it was supposed to be for her birthday but it doesn't look like I will get it done by then. So its looking more like a Christmas present for her. i know I will have it done way before Christmas so I will make one for my dad too. Perfect christmas presents for me and I can have 1 blanket the size of their bed done in about 2-3 weeks. Then if I have time I am going to make one for my kids for christmas presents. Then after christmas I am going to start on the ones I am making for my nephews for their bdays in march.

So needless to say my life is one big train wreck waiting to happen. But to be honest I wouldn't trade any of it. I love my kids to pieces but there are days I want to strangle them.

Today is one of those days. Especially with my boys. Jesse wants to boss everyone around lately including me telling me how to discipline his brother etc.... And then on the other hand Kenneth is having his rages and I get the blunt of it all. He yells screams, tells me to shut up says he hates me etc... It really hurts that I can't get my son undercontrol and I can't get any respect from him. I go out of my way to be nice to them and I feel like they just treat me like a dog constantly.

I have been a chrisitan for 6 years now and lately I have been really struggling bad with my walk with God. I can't remember the last time I just sat down and just read the bible for no reason. I want to have a deeper more intimate relationship with God but I can't seem to get the self- discipline that it takes to spend time with God so I will have that. I love God and I know he loves me I just want my relationship with God to mean something and to be more intimate.

That is about it on me and my life story...LOL